Money - Being the BoM (Bank of Mom)

Being able to support your family can be both a joy and a nightmare. It’s a double-edged sword if you’re seen as having a comfy nest-egg as everyone seems to hit-up the Bank of Mom when they’re low on cash. Maybe you’re covering back-to-school essentials for the grandchildren, paying for school fees, covering the rent, or even providing a guarantee for a mortgage. Whatever the case, supporting adult children (and their children) is increasingly common, but shouldn’t come at the expense of your financial well-being. We’ve pulled together some practical tips on balancing family support with personal financial security.

Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are essential. Before you decide to make a contribution, decide on an amount you’re able to part with, ensuring it won’t impact your financial stability if not repaid. Count on the worst, but ask for the best, as repaying money borrowed from parents/ grandparents will help your descendants learn how to survive when you’re no longer around.

Consider creating a monthly or yearly “gift fund” for family expenses, but keep that new habit confidential! Once you reach that amount, hold off on further spending until the next budget period. This approach helps manage expectations while keeping your financial risk in check.

Be Selective with Financial Gifts

Instead of giving financial help all at once, consider spreading out your support over time. For instance, if you want to contribute to your grandchild’s education, small monthly deposits into a 529 college savings plan or other education savings accounts can build up over the years without straining your budget.

Offer Time and Experiences over Money

Memories don’t need to come with a high price tag. Look for activities that are low- or no-cost, when spending time with family members Activities like hiking, picnics, visiting local museums on free days, going to the beach, are all free to do. Meeting up for a meal at a restaurant or cafe is likely to see you paying for the who tribe, so try and avoid that.

When it comes to helping your children reduce overheads, offer free child-minding during vacation periods or after chool. This can save them a bundle, and result in stringer bonds with your grandchildren.

Find Creative Ways to Save on Essentials

Be on the lookout for seasonal sales and bulk purchase options. Many grandparents are surprised to learn that shopping during back-to-school season or Black Friday sales can lead to big savings on basics. Additionally, consider joining community “buy nothing” or swap groups where you can trade or receive items for free. Thrift stores can also be great resources for kids’ clothes, toys, and books.to save on unavoidable costs such as Christmas and birthday gifts. Create a gift box where such items are stored until the event rolls around on the annual calendar. Don’t fall into the trap of gifting cash, as as the children grow, so too will their expectations of how much you will give them!

Communicate Openly About Finances

It’s often easier said than done, but communicating openly about finances with your children can prevent misunderstandings and helps to set realistic expectations. Let them know that while you love to support them, you’re also managing your own financial needs as you are no longer able to replenish savings through income. Ask adult children to understand and respect this boundary, rather than seeing it as Mom being ‘selfish’ or ‘tinny’.

Save for Yourself First

It’s tempting to put family first, but remember: the best way to be there for your family long-term is by ensuring you’re financially secure. Prioritize your own retirement savings and emergency fund so that you’re financially prepared no matter what the future brings.

Enjoy the Little Things

Lastly, remember that love and support come in many forms. While financial help is valuable, your presence, love, and guidance are the most precious gifts you can offer. Focus on creating lasting memories and being a supportive figure in your grandchildren’s lives. Often, those small gestures—reading a story, listening to their concerns, or simply spending time together—mean more than any financial support could.

By setting healthy boundaries, being resourceful, and prioritizing what matters most, you can support your family without compromising your own financial health. Your love, after all, is the greatest gift of all.