Planning - How to Decide What to Leave
When it comes to writing a will, one of the most personal, thoughtful choices is deciding what to leave to the people who matter most to you. Thinking about the legacies you’ll pass on to loved ones may feel both joyful and a little challenging. After all, you're looking at your possessions, heirlooms, and financial assets, deciding who would best cherish and respect what you leave behind. The process can stir up questions like, “Who will value this the most?” or even, “Does this person deserve this gift?”
Here’s a friendly guide to help you think through the practical and emotional aspects of leaving your legacy.
Reflect on the Values You Want to Leave Behind
Before diving into specific items or financial amounts, spend some time reflecting on what values, stories, or lessons you want to pass along. These may be embodied in objects or assets, but they’re often more about what you cherished in life.
If there’s an heirloom, for example, that symbolizes perseverance or resilience, think about who in your family has demonstrated those qualities or who would treasure that meaning. Legacy isn’t just about what you leave, but how those gifts represent your life’s values.
List Out Your Assets and Belongings
Start with a list of significant possessions, sentimental items, and assets like real estate, investments, or savings. Organizing everything on paper can help you see the “big picture” and ensure nothing important is overlooked.
Consider including family members in this process if you feel comfortable. Sometimes hearing their perspectives can help you determine which items are most meaningful to them.
Assess Each Beneficiary’s Situation and Needs
Think about each potential beneficiary’s life circumstances. Perhaps one family member is just starting out and would benefit from financial support, while another is already established and may appreciate sentimental items more.
It’s also wise to consider who could handle financial gifts responsibly. If you’re concerned that a large sum could be misused, you can set up conditions or trusts to provide guidance on how funds are spent over time.
Consider Each Person’s Relationship with You
Who has been there for you over the years, providing companionship, support, and care? Some family members or friends may have been deeply involved in your life, while others may have been more distant.
This step can feel a bit sensitive, but it’s okay to prioritize those who have shown love, loyalty, or kindness. It’s your legacy, and you deserve to feel good about where your belongings end up.
Think About Fairness (But Don’t Stress Over It)
Fairness is often on people’s minds when making these decisions. Striking a balance between what each person receives can be tricky, but fairness doesn’t always mean “equal.” Sometimes, fairness is about recognizing different needs or relationships.
For example, if one child has cared for you in your later years while another has been more distant, you might feel inclined to leave a larger portion to the child who was closer. This is perfectly normal and doesn’t mean you love one person more than another.
Factor in Sentimental Value and Who Will Cherish It Most
Some items have a priceless emotional value—an old watch, a wedding ring, or a favorite set of books. Consider who might appreciate the sentiment attached to these things. Ask yourself who would lovingly care for a treasured family heirloom or pass down a special story to future generations.
If you’re unsure, you can also discuss this with family members to see who is most interested in specific items. This can help you feel confident that your cherished belongings will be in good hands.
Trust Yourself in Deciding Who Deserves What
The question of “who deserves it” is very personal and can be challenging, but ultimately, it’s about trusting your judgment. Your choices should reflect who you are, the relationships you’ve built, and what you believe is right.
Remember, your will is a way to express love, gratitude, and trust to those you leave behind. Don’t be afraid to make choices that feel authentic to you, even if they don’t please everyone.
Communicate Your Decisions (If You Wish)
Some people find it helpful to have an open conversation with family members about what they can expect, which can prevent future misunderstandings. Others prefer to keep things private to avoid tension. Do what feels best for you.
If there’s something special you want someone to have, you can tell them now, or even gift it early to see the joy it brings.
In the end, making these decisions is a deeply personal process, and no one has all the right answers. Trust your heart and remember that your choices are a final act of love and remembrance. By taking the time to reflect, you’ll create a legacy that truly honors your life, values, and the relationships you’ve cherished.
