Friendships - Taming the Green-Eyed Monster

Friendships between women can be some of the most powerful and enriching relationships we experience. But jealousy—the green-eyed monster—can sneak in, turning bonds of trust into battlegrounds. Learning to leave the green-eyed monster behind and celebrate the women in our lives for who they are, and what they bring to the table, is all that’s required to make us truly unstoppable.

The Beginning of the Rift

Rose and Teresa had been best friends for over a decade. They met during their kids’ kindergarten orientation and immediately clicked over shared jokes about the chaos of school drop-offs. Their friendship blossomed into wine nights, family vacations, and countless shared secrets. But when Teresa launched a successful business, Rose began to feel a pang of something she couldn’t quite name.

“I was thrilled for her at first,” Rose admits. “But then, I started comparing myself. Her success made me feel like I was falling behind.”

Rose’s feelings began to creep into their conversations. Compliments to Teresa were followed by subtle digs, like, “Well, it must be nice to have the time to do all that.” Teresa noticed the change.

“I could feel her pulling away,” Teresa recalls. “She stopped celebrating my wins, and our conversations felt more strained. I didn’t know how to fix it.”

Why Jealousy Creeps In

Jealousy often arises when we compare ourselves to others and feel like we don’t measure up. Social media exacerbates this, offering a highlight reel of everyone’s best moments.

“It’s so easy to feel envious when you’re scrolling through someone’s perfectly curated life,” says Georgia, 52. “You forget that their life has struggles, too—you just don’t see those.”

In friendships, jealousy can stem from insecurity. When a friend achieves something we desire, it can trigger feelings of inadequacy, even if we genuinely care about them.

The Fallout

Left unchecked, jealousy can erode trust and intimacy in a friendship. It can lead to passive-aggressiveness, gossip, or even complete withdrawal.

“I lost my best friend because of jealousy,” admits Rose. “When she won a big contract, I started making sarcastic comments like, ‘Don’t forget us little people.’ I thought I was being funny, but it hurt her. Eventually, she stopped calling, and I realized I’d pushed her away.”

Teresa and Rose’s friendship reached a breaking point when Teresa confronted Rose about her behavior.

“She told me she felt like I wasn’t happy for her,” Rose says. “It hurt to hear, but she was right. I let my insecurities overshadow my love for her.”

Rachel, feeling defensive, lashed out. “I accused her of bragging too much, which wasn’t true,” she recalls. “It was really about my own issues, but I wasn’t ready to admit that yet.”

Healing the Rift

Acknowledging jealousy is the first step toward healing. It takes honesty and vulnerability to admit you’re feeling envious, especially to the person you’re jealous of.

After a few months of distance, Rose reached out to Teresa. “I missed her so much,” Rose says. “I finally admitted to her that I was jealous and apologized. It was hard, but she listened with so much compassion.”

Teresa accepted Rose’s apology, but rebuilding trust took time. They started small, reconnecting over casual lunches before diving into deeper conversations.

“I realized her success didn’t diminish me in any way,” Rose says. “If anything, it showed me what’s possible.”

How to Combat Jealousy in Friendships

1. Celebrate Each Other
   Focus on your friend’s happiness instead of comparing yourself. Celebrate her wins as if they were your own.

2. Shift Your Perspective
   Instead of seeing your friend’s success as a threat, view it as inspiration. Ask yourself, What can I learn from her journey?

3. Communicate Openly
   If you sense jealousy creeping in, talk about it. Vulnerable conversations can strengthen your bond rather than harm it.

4. Work on Self-Love
   Often, jealousy is a sign of unmet needs or insecurities. Spend time on personal growth and self-care to boost your confidence.

5. Limit Comparisons
   Remember, every friendship is unique. What works for your friend may not work for you, and that’s okay.

Taking Responsibility

Friendships, like any relationship, take effort. By addressing jealousy head-on and choosing love over competition, we can protect the precious connections that enrich our lives.

As Georgia reflects, “Jealousy makes me feel horrible and it’s an ugly thing to witness. None of us are in kindergarten any more, so we have to take responsibility for how we conduct ourselves, and how we treat other people.”