Harnessing Your Invisibility Superpower
Ah, the dreaded “invisible woman syndrome”—that frustrating stage many women over 50 experience, where we suddenly feel like background characters in our own story. Whether it’s in social settings, the workplace, or the media, it's as if the world quietly decides we’ve faded into the background. For many retired or solo older women, this shift can feel disorienting, even disheartening. But acknowledging it is the first step to pushing back, reclaiming our visibility, and showing the world that this chapter of life is just as bold, vibrant, and powerful as any before.
Ageism and the Invisible Woman
Let’s talk about ageism, shall we? It’s the fine art of treating anyone over fifty as if they’ve suddenly misplaced their value. Apparently, society thinks we’ve gone from dazzling diamonds to cubic zirconia overnight. Studies show that 70% of women feel like they’ve developed an uncanny ability to turn invisible as they age. It’s like a superpower we never asked for, making us feel overlooked and undervalued.
Changing Perceptions
But hold on to your reading glasses, because times are changing! The pro-aging movement is gathering steam, blowing away the cobwebs of negative stereotypes. Aging women are stepping out of the shadows and dancing in the spotlight. Just look at 90-year-old Carol Burnett, gracing the pages of Harper’s Bazaar, or Batsheva Hay, who filled her NYFW runway with fabulous women over 40. These ladies are not shrinking violets; they are blooming perennials!
Embracing Fashion
Now, let’s dish about fashion. Sure, visibility is more than skin-deep, but what you wear can certainly give you a boost. Take it from the late Iris Apfel, who at 102 declared, “Dress for yourself before you dress for your age!”
Diane Von Furstenberg also nails it with her advice: “As long as you’re true to yourself, you’re free.” So go ahead, wear that bold print or those sequined pants - embrace your fabulous self and watch your confidence soar!
Preserving Power
Let’s not forget the power of the purse. Women over 50 control over $15 trillion annually - yes, trillion with a “T.” According to Forbes, we’re not just consumers; we’re super consumers! But our true power isn’t just about spending. It’s about self-acceptance and empowerment. The more we show up for ourselves, the more the world takes notice.
The Liberation of Invisibility
For some of us, this whole invisibility thing is actually quite liberating. It frees us from the relentless expectations of youth and the pressure to always be “on.” Being invisible means we can act without judgment - or simply not give a hoot about it. As author Ruth Formanek suggests in her book ‘The Meanings of Menopause’, menopause and aging are times for redefining oneself and making life changes on our own terms. It’s a chance to be whoever we want, without the constant glare of the spotlight.
A New Narrative
The story is changing, my friends. Aging women are no longer fading into the background; we’re being recognized for our wisdom and experience. Society is slowly shifting its focus from youth to appreciating the contributions of older women. This period of “invisibility” can actually be a time of empowerment and self-discovery.
So, let’s embrace it. Let’s see this stage of life not as a drawback but as a superpower. With fewer societal expectations weighing us down, we have the freedom to live life on our own terms. By embracing this invisibility, we can redefine our identities, assert our influence, and continue to shine brightly well into our golden years. Cheers to that!
Conversations with Women over 50
Liz:
I feel invisible too, but I only like it sometimes! I kind of miss men turning their heads. Also, I am actually hoping for another relationship, as I was widowed a year ago. I have no idea how to make myself more “visible”. I am very introverted, which makes it worse - I want the attention, but I don’t want the attention AARGH!
Johanna:
Nowadays I have learned to use this trait, invisibility. It is nice to have in days that I do not feel like being seen. On others, I just put on different clothes, shoes or a hat, maybe makeup or jewelry or do something with my hair. And voila, I`m there again! One more option to go by.
Katrina:
I think I learned to become invisible as a child by going inside of a closet for peace, then for peace & sleep, and then later on for peace, sleep and to pray. It is pretty to cool to become invisible and have peace in plain sight and or in the middle of chaos. Great post.
Sharon:
Yup, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I travel and nobody even notices I’m there or speak to me. I moved to a foreign country which makes it worse as people on the street don’t make eye contact, don’t smile, don’t talk…I don’t like this stage of life. When I was younger I could sit in a restaurant and talk to people but at this age it feels creepy. It is a strange stage and difficult to get used to.
Alli:
Have you noticed there are more women 50+ women being employed as cabin crew by BA and EasyJet recently?
I saw an advert that there's a recruitment drive to mirror the demographic of females travelling on these airlines.
On my 2 most recent flights (I live on an island off the UK) there were 2 lovely attentive silver haired ladies who made eye contact with me and went above and beyond.
Compare this to the younger staff in her twenties on another who asked if I'd like milk and sugar with my tea and walked off although I'd said yes!
Quite refreshing to note the above.. wonder if you notice the same with other airlines?
Andrea:
I definitely feel invisible and I'm pretty happy about it. I've made a conscious choice to keep my hair grey/silver, because otherwise I would look really young and I want people to see my maturity/know that I'm older and wiser, and/or I don't want men hitting on me who will find out later I'm much older than they thought or too old for them. I don't really want men hitting on me at all, so the invisibility is great!
I also take advantage of it, for example "scolding" (young) people/kids if they are doing something stupid or rude or something like that, letting people hold the door for me or letting me go first, giving me the seat, whatever... I'm working it! I'm almost 57.
Sometimes though I look in the mirror and I think, wow, I'm still looking pretty good, better than I thought or pictured in my head. My inside image of myself is often worse than the outside, if you know what I mean. I noticed I had that even when I was younger. I always thought I was pretty attractive though, sometimes I just didn't feel very good about myself or felt tired or whatever.
Also, despite that, I usually forget that I have grey hair and am as old as I am, because I certainly don't feel it on the inside (except for all the new aches and pains!).
And I think it's also an advantage while travelling (I'm currently in Bali).
Donna:
I find it the most frustrating when it’s done by another woman whom is also at the invisible stage. I witness females of ‘a certain age’ in upper management roles, giving more worth to the males (young and old) in my company. It’s utter ridiculousness.
Sharon:
I absolutely love NOT being hounded and whistled at by blokes in vans, on buses, in their cars, driving ambulances (yep, they really did rear-end the vehicle in front then blame me for “walking along a pavement” in their view in 1987). I no longer get flashed at or treated to something more sinister on public transport.
What I won’t put up with is being passed over in favor of men at hotel check-ins and restaurants. At that point outrage has its uses
Maree:
Happed to me just last week. Standing at an Estee Lauder counter in a pharmacy. The 2 young ladies behind the till, both carried on as if I was not even there. I walked out, with my head up, I’ll spend my money elsewhere was my thought. Water off a ducks back. No disrespect for The brand.
Invisible syndrome has been around for a long time. The first time it happened was a bit of a blow. I don’t care now.
Bonus being I do like the fact that men don’t Lear at me anymore, for years I found that very creepy.
Robbin:
I’m on my first solo trip. I do mean solo ( no tour or group) in Rethymno. I have felt that difference. If I were young I might not feel as safe. I’m 70 and I feel that no one really sees me, ( unless I might buy something). It’s very freeing and I really kinda like it. If I want I can always exchange in short conversations, but it’s my choice. I like it.
Rachel:
I have always been invisible.
An outsider looking in.
A chameleon trying to be what I thought others expected me to be.
I had no guidance or nurturing.
The result of an extremely traumatic childhood- not knowing who could be trusted. Being moved from pillar to post.
Not ever feeling I belonged. The affects have been lifelong.
Being told I was useless, stupid, worthless. But with ever type of abuse, punch and kick i grew silently stronger.
Invisibility has suited me well.
I proved them all wrong- had a great career.
As a child my safe place was school
As an adult hospitals became my safe soace. I knew what I was doing and was treated with respect well earned. If anyone chose to think I was invisible- they soon found out otherwise-ICU patients lives depended on authority and fast decision making. I have witnessed pure devastion and total miracles
I don't understand ppl - or what makes some choose cruelty over kindness. The world is 'too peopley'
This week I read about narcissists and empathizers. It made so much sense. I am an empathizer but wish I had known that 40yrs ago.
I still don't know who I am or what I want to be when I grow up ! But I wear my grey hair and wrinkles with pride. And am content in my little bubble with a few really good friends. Getting stronger in removing ppl who take advantage. This group is amazing- I am learning from other women. Thank you.
Emma:
I don’t feel invisible out in the world, I get offered seats on trams by men & younger women, get gestured to exit a door first by young & older males. I find that ppl are noticing me more cause I’m old.
BUT I do feel invisible with regards to my kids. They know i love them unconditionally that i feel they take it for granted. I send them memes and texts saying: ”remember me?
Christina:
I don't usually mind feeling invisible unless it is a service situation or if someone bumps into me or runs me over. I've had more than enough attention in my life (whether I wanted it or not) and it's kind of nice to be able to observe instead of being observed. Being invisible feels like a brand new super power at times.
Ashev:
I was on a high street with my 12 year old daughter. Apparently she was suddenly "of age" and all sorts of men were noticing her. It was palpable. I kept trying to get in the way of their "view". It was disgusting. A few months ago I was walking along a suburban street, looking at some tyres piled on the footpath on the other side of the road. Some tradie came out of a house or garden and picked a fight because he thought I was looking at him!! The experience is so different across the sexes. And the puffed up gall of this guy! I kept walking and luckily he didn't follow me. He must like fighting with old women. I've got to walk the same route today, must remember my cloak and to not look around, eyes down, submissive, self-conscious.
Kristine:
I enjoyed a lot of attention in my younger years. Sometimes I did not like it. You don't get to choose who is paying and giving attention. I really enjoy this time is my life where that has quieted down , and I have no desire to be seen. If I need something, I just speak up and never take it personal. There is a time for everything, and I had mine, and that is okay.
Shasta:
I began noticing the invisible syndrome in my late 50s. And it’s progressed into my late 60s. I actually like it because I can dress comfortably and no one notices. Though when I wear a simple dress, I sometimes get compliments from women, and even once from an older man. Maybe that’s because few women wear dresses casually these days. But I consider it a freedom rather than a hindrance. Though I have found that younger people sometimes walk right into me while passing as if I’m not there.
Karen:
You hit a sore spot of many of us. For me it’s not about men at all, it’s the general dismissal or dimming of everything we exude. Of course we are celebrated in many areas of life, however we are not revered as the Crones we truly are.
Worth Reading
Invisible to Invaluable
By Jane Evans and Carol Russell (2021)
Invisible to Invaluable is more than just a book; it's a celebration of the remarkable capabilities of midlife women. Jane Evans and Carol Russell's work serves as a powerful rallying cry for change, urging us to transform the world for the better.
Packed with personal stories, groundbreaking research, and insights from an array of inspirational women, this manifesto tackles ageism head-on. Evans and Russell dismantle the stereotypes that have sidelined midlife women both in the workplace and in society. Their empowering vision reveals a world where women can unlock their full potential, no matter their age.
Each chapter takes readers on a journey, moving from the powerful to the playful, and from historical perspectives to future possibilities. Evans and Russell challenge the outdated notions of 'young' and 'old,' introducing a vibrant 'middle' stage of life that promises to be the most fulfilling yet. Invisible to Invaluable is a testament to the strength and potential of midlife women, making it a must-read for anyone ready to embrace this dynamic stage of life.
